I am not a good driver, and there can be no debate about that. But I really do like traveling by road, and this single factor has shaped many major decisions of my life.  With this kind of obstinate love, isnt it necessary that I be a good driver? Yet, life being unfair, I cant even ride a bicycle like it really should be.

I guess it happens with most of us that we are sometimes forced to choose between what we like doing and what we are good at.  For the lucky ones, both are the same and one, and for the persistant ones, they make it to be the same. For the rest, that is people like me, it comes down to a tough choice. I have always chosen what I like doing. Over whatever little I am good at.

It so happened that one fine Saturday I decided I need to drive. A long drive. I got myself and drove down some 200 miles upstate. The vast barren country was a good change from crouching before the laptop, and the long hour across a yet untraveled road a respite from familiar faces. Needless to say it was balm for my senses. The drive was from Tulsa, Oklahoma to Kansas City and back.

However, I do not write about my weekend getaway. It is something that I dug out from the attics of my memories. Firecracker. As a kid, Diwali or Kali Pujo as we called it was a big thing. Those days, they still didnt have this decibel rule incorporated, so we blasted away to a eardrum shattering orgasm of bliss.  Till one fateful occasion I came about to think I should make my own firecracker. And what firecracker? Tubri! The most beautiful and most exotic of them all. For this, first I needed a mentor who would guide me across the fiery waters of firecracker apprenticeship. Tough it may sound, but such a person was not tough to find. It was the Kaku from the next door. He told me he used to build a lot of them when we was a kid (that is in his 20s and early 30s: I come from a interesting place when youth sticks on to men until their temples grey). Excited that I was, I immediately became his novice, his Man Friday, bring him morning cups of tea, and newspaper from my home, to lure him into teaching me how to make Tubris. Now, before I proceed with my tale further, let it be known that though the ingredients  that  go into a  Tubri is common knowledge, making one is a different ball game altogether. It requires years  of practice, and as astute sense of precision for the proportions of each. And the packing, which is the final and most critical step of the operation. He told me all. The fantastic stories of how the tubris he made, threw up fountains of red, green and silver sparks all the way up to the height of four storey building. And he never forgot to boast of his flying tubris, which, in addition to all that went into a normal tubris, required the skill of throwing it in orbit so that it would make a swinging arc across the inky horizon. As a twelve year old, I could see it all, in my flight of fancy. Weeks passed and he refused to move from his bench and piping hot tea and Aajkal newspaper. I tugged and coaxed and cajoled. Till one day when he agreed on the condition I bring 100 bucks from my father to buy all the ingredient and labour charge for a person he would give direction to (for he was too old himself for all the physical work). I went back home and wailed and somehow, over threats of refusing food, and worse, failing in exams, managed that 100 bucks. Days passed and he told me he is getting the ingredients. With barely a week to go, when i complained that how can I learn to make Tubris in one week, he patronisingly replied, no one can learn to make Tubris in one week. He would personally teach me to make Tubris over the next year. However, he would get Tubris made with the powder he had bought with the money I gave him. On the eve of Kali Pujo, when i went over to his haunt, as he was sipping tea and gossiping with his mates, he quietly handed me 5 tubris in a a plastic bag. “The best in the whole town”. Proudly i went back home, only to hear guffaws and laughs behind my back. He had a nice party that night. And I a Kali Pujo of 5 Tubris.

I never tried to make firecrackers after that.

Until now. Now that I play with fire. And I play it well.